inSomnIA...>>>>......>>>>.....<<<<,,,,,<<<<<<,,

I am rare and sleepy now. Somebody helps! Everybody has gone to bed. I just wonder how I am going to prepare my test tomorrow; lots of things had bothered my mind. I am so frustrated and sleepy. I went to see a doctor yesterday. He warned me not to sleep so late, but now I am still sitting in front of my desk. I knew I’d caught insomnia for a long time, but I rejected to have the medicine since then. Now I really don’t want to force myself to swallow it, but it had already done. So half an hour later I would go to bed, probably giving up my test and all the stuff I haven’t finished. My life is so full of pressure. Yet tomorrow is still the day which I have a lot of things to overcome. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth to live my life in this way… Feel sad and pity in myself in this lonely night. The weather has changed for weeks, and every night is getting colder and colder. I know my heart is as cold as it…somehow I wonder my heart is following the weather; getting colder day by day. I miss a lot of people in my life. I really miss them a lot, especially someone who really cares about my life. It is as if I hear my heart says “I wanna go home I wanna go home”. So when that day has come, I would allow myself to take rest as much as I could. 1.28am time to sleep, will be continued tomorrow.
It has already passed the noon time. I still haven’t finished my homework and I am in a daze now. Chris gave me a pack of European homemade biscuits yesterday, which I think I can finish it tonight because I decide to bring it to language center while at work. It is really so kind of her, she who concerns me with my insomnia and encourages me to sleep tight by sending text message through mobile phone always makes me feel touch and warm in heart. I miss her so much, my dearest summer break roommate.
1.50pm

nEVer gIvE uP

I feel bad today. Maybe I should get into bed early before I get sick, but I know I couldn’t, a lot of jobs need to be done in time, and can’t be left behind. I have to work at 5.30pm and one and half an hour later from now on I would have left my dorm and then go to Michael’s oral training class. It’s a really busy life the way I run, I know, but I just couldn’t help escaping from it. Actually, it’s hard to tell my feeling now, I don’t really like this way of my life. Whenever I felt exhausted after back from work, I always thought: Tomorrow will be better, and today was not often the worst of my days. However, tomorrow comes, and the day after tomorrow passes by; day by day, time flies away. There is never a nice day of tomorrow because tomorrow never really comes. Time is precious. But I don’t think I am using it well. Although I spend every minute, every hour with every single thing I think I really should do, it is kinda wasting my time though. I am not happy, I need places to scream, but where? My heart is no longer allowed me to stay in this frame, this style, this moment. I could have changed, since PIECES always yearn for freedom, and they don’t like themselves being chained. And so do I. I am a Pieces. I am quite believed in the prediction of the Horoscope brochure; what the people in those brochures predicts is always approached accurate and credible. So, just let me wake up with no struggling anymore right after I open my eyes early in the morning, just let me sleep, sleep tight and no nightmare in the time I am on bed. I got into bed quite early in these few days. I still couldn’t fall asleep as soon as I wish though. Maybe I am getting homesick again. Expecting to go home this coming winter, I really have a great desire on it. Every time when I think about home, think of my father, I just feel like I should be there right now. I would feel ashamed if the consequence of coming here resulting me to go home immediately, so I must quit myself out of this kind of bad idea at once. Never give up, never, and never say these words again!!

My gReat MisfOrtuNE oF 10/9

“Misfortunes never come singly.” Early in the morning half past eight (10/9 Tues.), I was overslept for our composition class. I found that I was alone in the dorm at that time, nobody’s waken me up, and I was poorly left behind. Jumping off my bed, I was swift to brush my teeth, taking off my pajamas and put on a leisure wear, then hurried to school by my little “KOoL”, which is my bike actually. It is not how bad I wanna talk about my roommates; just that we are having different class and they didn’t know I have class on 8 a.m. So, there is just one person I gotta blame, that’s me, myself. I stayed up studying until 3 o’clock at midnight, it’s possibly because I started doing assignment at 1 a.m., not because I was too hardworking! Hahaha…so just don’t misunderstand at this point.

The most ridiculous thing was that I was mistaken that the Japanese Class is on Thursday, so the test will be definitely on Thursday as I guess. But I was wrong in fact, it was actually one of today’s classes. I got to know it from one Class A student after the Knowledge Base Class, which means Japanese Class is going to be the next lesson. So I was rushing to my KOoL for the second time, and I was so worried when I couldn’t find it. I thought I was too jumpy to find it. I met Hua La La when I was disorientated, or maybe I could say it was he who saw me first, because I have no intention to look at people at that time, what I worried was just, “Where is my KOoL?” “Su Xia,what are you doing?” he asked. I answered without thinking of the answer, “Finding my bike la.” And then I saw he left and I ought to calm down and scan carefully where it was.

Thanks Hua La La that I found it at last; however, KOol was too old to move anymore since today after Japanese Class. I was desperate when I lost it, and now I dare not use it since the mechanics told me KOoL will be died soon, very soon from now on. So I’ve made a decision: I’m footing instead of riding for Thursday and Friday these two days. If you meet me in our campus on those days, find me walking on the streets, don’t forget to ask about my KOoL, I think it will be appreciated for your condolence.

Hey! You! Stop killing friends! What do you think friends are for???

Actually, I’m quite fed up with my life recently. While summer break is over, school starts, I work daily until 10 p.m. just except Sunday. Life is so busy and my schedule is like everyday half a study day and the other half a working day. I give few times for my own study even my own entertainment. Sometimes, I wonder if I can handle both of them very good or I might lose one of them or otherwise, more terrible, both. These coming weeks seem almost the hard time of the first semester of my sophomore life, but I’m always an optimistic person, I hold positive attitude even though I got to face a lot of problems. Anyway, “Who don’t get trouble as I do is the luckiest person in world”, sometimes I would think like that. So, just solve it if you got a problem, just face it if you are in any trouble, DO NOT ESCAPE! Because I didn’t do so, so you shouldn’t have given any cop-out. Hahaha…Do forgive me for my manner of speaking.

I gain no supports from my old friends, because they are so far away from my current life. Or maybe, in other words, they can’t involve in it not just only because of that, but because they were not trying to understand me. I know I receive blaming behind of me for not going here or there, joining this or that, but I don’t really care, because if you are my friend, you would understand my situation. Furthermore, give a blame to a person like me is making the burden on my shoulder heavier. How do you feel if your friends force you to do something that you think you do not have that ability? I guess the answers will be: “Why do you keep trying to discomfit me?”, “I am totally frustrated!”

Therefore, if I got to know your blame is so unfair to me, I’m sorry that you’re disqualified, we’re failed to be friends anymore. I would have such kind of feelings because one of my friends is being treated badly in recent. Do you have such kind of friends that make you feel that he/she is killing you? Share with me if you have, and stop killing your friends if you are the kind I’ve mentioned!